What’s the Color of Your Curse?
There are many professions out there, but not many allow you to work from home in the way I get to work. In my line of work, my work comes right to my doorstep! I have the best job in the world. I work as a, S.A.E, a Soul Acquisition Expert. Basically, I get to steal the souls that those living punks that are not using them and I deliver them to a nice and cozy place, you may have heard of it, Hell? Yep, it is a banging job, I work mostly alone but I am allowed by corporate to get creative how I “acquire” said souls. Souls are big money down in hell, and baby I am swimming in soul money. Where are my manors! I should introduce myself, my name is ¥ ̷͇̹̮͉̘̬̹̀͋͆̀̍̀͌̒ͅ ̷͇̹̮͉̘̬̹̀͋͆̀̍̀͌̒ͅð ̷͇̹̮͉̘̬̹̀͋͆̀̍̀͌̒ͅ ̴̹̻̦͔̪̻͖̑͆̑̈͗̚̚͝ͅμ ¢ ̸̢̗̰̮̙͙͍́́͐̄́͑͗̆͜å ñ ̴̹̻̦͔̪̻͖̑͆̑̈͗̚̚͝ͅ ' † ̵̵̳̟̳̺̭̘̣̣̳̟̳̺̭̘̣̣̄̋̃̿͑̌̑̄̋̃̿͑̌̑̚̚r ê å ̸̡̺̰̮̯̗̪̼̅̑̀̉̓̓͌́Ð ̸̢̗̰̮̙͙͍́́͐̄́͑͗̆͜ † ̵̳̟̳̺̭̘̣̣̄̋̃̿͑̌̑̚ ̸̢̗̰̮̙͙͍́́͐̄́͑͗̆͜h ̵̳̟̳̺̭̘̣̣̄̋̃̿͑̌̑̚ ï ̵̳̟̳̺̭̘̣̣̄̋̃̿͑̌̑̚ § ̸̡̺̰̮̯̗̪̼̅̑̀̉̓̓͌́ , but to make things simple for you, you can call me Mr. Sin-Mizer.
The benefits of working as a S.A.E are great too, like I said before, I get to work from home, I do not need things like a dental plan or a healthcare plan either because well… I am dead and all that good stuff, I think it is much better to look as gross and as dead as possible, it helps with scaring the daylights out of my “Customers.”
The commute to Hell is not that bad either, I am only required to go to the office once every few weeks after I have collected enough souls and I get there by using my own grave!Well, to say grave is a bit of an understatement, for I was just simply dumped down the well in the backyard when I got murdered when I was young. But hey, it is basically the same thing, right? Plus, I do not need to worry about paying the taxes on those things [1].
Here is how a typical work night goes for me. Everyone knows about my house that resides on top of the hill at the end of the road. Most of the smart folk avoided my old house like the plague. I don’t hunt after them too much, too much work to try and lure them in. However, my method of collecting my prey is a lot like how a spider does it. The spider makes a web and waits, because if there are at least a few brave fools willing to go somewhere they are not
supposed to be, I will always collect. However, S.A.E workers like myself are required to follow a few rules of Soul Acquisitions. I will not go over every rule of the 666 rules of Soul Acquisition, but I will give you a basic rundown of the rules I only follow myself! Starting with;
Rule 1: You must work at night.[2]
Rule 56: You must operate in an abandoned structure inducing; Houses, Churches, Apartment buildings, Graveyards, Home-depot, and your local DMV.[3]
Rule 390: You must kill everyone and collect their soul[4]
Rule 420: you must deposit said souls in your local Deposit box of your local H.S. E[5] center.
And the list goes on and on, but I will not bore you with the uninteresting stuff. Rule 56 and 390 are the rules I like the most.
Now, my “office space” is a house that looks straight out of every Halloween horror movie ever, and I would not have it any other way. And yet you would think even the dumbest of people would have a brain cell or two left about entering a place like my home. Yet, there was always the foolish few with exactly zero brain cells that do it anyway, some do it on a dare that was challenged by their friends, others do it to investigate the house to signs of the afterlife.
I do not care why they do it, all I care about is that they fall into my little web of fun! But the reason why I am telling you this tale is because on this chilly night, my devilish world of fun would get turned upside down!
There was a chilly wind that danced late into the night of a cold November night, the sun was taking its sweet time to hit the bricks as I laid in wait in the old house down the road. You know the one, that old abandoned house at the end of the unkept street with as many stories of fear and suspicion.
Oh, it is just the perfect pot of land in the world, it sits on a perch that has the perfect view that overlooks a nearby neighborhood like a vulture from a Burton film. Now it is a bit run down, but that gives it charm you, see?
The cracked windows seemed to glair down at the group of houses below with a great disdain. Like any other stereotypical house on the hill, my home features all the necessities for a good hunting ground, like a long and worn-down iron fence that brokenly snaked around the property. The grass is a mix of yellow and dead brown patches, on both sides of the house two dead trees that rise over the house like hands reaching up from beyond the grave. The Victorian house was worn down by the years of being abandoned and being at the mercy of the elements yet it still manages to maintain its imposing and homely evil presence.
This house was seemingly ripped straight out of every Halloween horror movie, and I would not have it any other way. And yet you would think even the dumbest of people would have a brain cell or two left about entering a place like my home. Yet, there was always the foolish few with exactly zero brain cells that do it anyway, some do it on a dare that was challenged by their friends, others do it to investigate the house to signs of the afterlife. I do not care why they do it, all I care about is that they fall into my little web of fun!
And tonight is going to be a barrel of fun! Tonight, I caught some nice quality little flies. I am proud to say I got to host a lucky group of fools that fit the golden ratio of souls!
Riding up in a busted family car, a group of high school graduates roll up to the gate. They all file out, and my hopes are only solidified. They all fit the standard horror movie group dynamic, out of the car first was the bully jock and his very promiscuous girlfriend, there was the dude who screams like they will die first, maybe I will give them the Jason special. I could smell of the bunch, I thought only the black kid and the last girl had any hopes of living a full and happy life, but I had a job to do and their souls would make me bank!
The group of doomed souls laughed as they made their way to the old house, and what is this I, see? The jock and his play thing are carrying a case of beer. I send a prayer to the un-holy trinity of Freddy, Jason and Ghostface that this hunt will go well for me. I rush back to the window as the group stops at the door.
“Are you sure you wanna have our party here Bebe?” the girlfriend asked.
“Huh yeah, no authority figures in sight, we have good company and all the beer we need to have a great time!” The jock said as he threw his arm around his main girl.
The group unknowingly walked up to the front door of my hunting grounds, I dashed the stoner before he even took a step out of the car! High as hell, the Shaggy reject looked like he was not all there [6] mentally.
Then next out was a black kid, a young man with headphones over his ears, I hope whatever he is listening to is a banger of a song as it was going to be his last. Now of course in the movies the black guy always dies first, but since I am a socially conscious demon that does not play into such morally wrong stereotypes, I will kill him last Hehe.
Finally, one more last girl took a step out from the car, but not before she tripped on a rock and fell face first into a puddle of mud, to the laughter of her friends. She seemed to me that she will likely be the last girl in a horror movie, the girl who against all odds survives the horrors and lives to tell the tale of their new found trauma.
Out from the top floor and flew down to the door to meet the poor saps. Just before they open the door, I pull an old gag from every horror movie ever from the grindhouse b movies to the friendly family spooky movies that they play during Halloween. I simply open the door for them.[7]
The The door slowly creaked open, the rotting wood seems to buckle as the door opens on its own. For now, I remain invisible, like a tiger waiting in the bushes, plus I always get a kick out of the shocked faces people make when a door just randomly opens for them. Gotta enjoy the little things in the afterlife you know?
The jock’s jaw dropped and he nearly dropped the beer.
The girlfriend who was applying some lipstick, smeared it on the side of her face.
The stoner rubbed his eyes to make sure he actually saw what he saw.
The nerdy girl seemed to be more puzzled than shocked.
Finally, the young black man turned around and said, “Nope, fuck that I am not going to party in a haunted ass place.” [8] I had to hold my hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing so hard.
“Come on man,” The jock said, recomposing himself, as he pulled his friend back. “It's… just an old house man, at least we don’t need to break in.”
“I guess Jock is right, I think it was just the wind that blew the door open.” The nerdy girl said.
Oh, this gives me an idea, psychological warfare, my favorite. I slowly push and pull the door to simulate a light breeze pushing the door open and close. The group stared at the door, unsure what to do next.
“All right, but the first sign of anything spooky I’m out.” The young black man said.[9]
The group muttered their disapproval but they all agreed and walked in. It didn’t take them long before they found the living room, started a fire and started playing loud pop music and started to party like there was no tomorrow. Which in this case, there wasn’t.
Now, I could just jump in and cut their heads off with one swoop, take their souls and be on my way, but here is a tip about souls, they’re like bananas. If you eat a banana when it’s all green, it tastes like shit[10], eat a banana when it's yellow and it tastes… well like how a banana should. But then if you eat a banana when it’s bruised and blackened, that’s when the banana becomes the absolute sweetest, and it’s also the best time to bake yourself some banana bread.
I like my souls bruised and blackened, and my dear reader, I am in the mood to make some banana bread, soul banana bread.
So, I let them ripen up a bit, they dance by the fire and they drink their liquor that dulls their senses, and they smoke their weed and they kiss to get into the mood. A few hours go by and they are ripe for the picking. The jock and his girl are giving each other the fuck me right here and now eyes, the stoner is so high as a kite that he starts to wonder off looking for the talking butterflies that will lead him to candy mountain. The only two that are left are the last girl and the young black kid who sat buzzed from the beer on the old moldy couch.
“So...,” The young man asked, turning to the last girl, “It's nice out tonight.”
“Yeah... it is.” She replied, with a bright red face. The awkward teen tension was so thick it made me sick, so I’ll leave them for last so they can have their hopeless romance, cuz it won’t last long.
The jock and his girlfriend made their way to the upstairs section of the house. They found the first door closest to them and Jock opened the door to one of the only bedrooms with a still somewhat intact bed.
“Ready for some fun?” The jock said.
“With you, always.” His girlfriend giggled; she gave him a sly look.
The Jock returned the look and allowed his girlfriend to enter first, it didn’t take long for the clothes to fly off and the bed to start creaking. As the jock and the cheerleader got busy in bed, I floated outside the door thinking of all the ways I could collect their souls. Then, the sound of the creaking gave me an idea, a two for one special! I’ll give them the O’ Jason special.
As they did their… business, I made a wooden pole that was leaning on the wall across from the bed fall. It crashed with a loud BANG!
The pair jumped and turned from each other to frantically look around the room.
“What was that?” The girlfriend asked.
“Must have been the wind.” The jock said.[11] “Come here, I’m done with you yet.”
They got back to committing every nun’s worst nightmare. I floated above them with an evil gleeful smile. For this next part, if you have seen any of the Friday the 13th movies, this next move may be familiar to you.
I used my demon powers to fold the bed like a giant taco and the pair made a crunch sound. I stopped using my powers and observed my handy work. In the fabric taco, arms and legs stuck out and twitched a little before they finally stopped moving for good, you know I think this looks a lot like a Banksy piece.
Then I heard the dull laughter that only a stoner could make, I whipped around my hunting ground until I found the stoner in the bathroom down stairs, bong in hand and eyes as red as a traffic light.
I pondered on how I should snuff the lighter out from this guy, then I had an idea, he likes to lose his head to weed, so I’ll make him lose it head and what’s a better way to lose a head than a guillotine!
So, I made a guillotine using a dead rat, some rope and a fully functioning guillotine I pulled from the closet.
The stoner sat on the floor pouting, “Man, this shit doesn’t hit me man.”
I materialized myself and called out to the stoner.
“Hey buddy.”
“What-?” he said lazily.
I walked into the door frame to the bathroom, and I half out a wicked looking joint.
“Need a joint? It's good shit man.”
“Far out man, I would love one.” He said and took a long hit.
“I got more over here my dude.” I said. I point to the guillotine in the hallway with a small table with even more joints.
“Ah hell yeah man!” The stone said. He got up and stumbled over to the trap. He stuck his head[12] and tried to reach out to the table.
The trap worked like a charm and before the stoner could say, no officer it's hi how are you, I pulled the rope and the blade came down and his head was bouncing down the hall. The last girl turned the corner and as the head bounced in front of her and down the hall, she screamed in terror.
“Stop being dramatic, that’s not worth losing your head over it, get it? Lose your head over it?” I said looking at the last girl, I let out a big evil laugh and she screamed some more. She ran through the house looking for an exit, and every time she found a doorway, I made sure to block it.
SLAM! “No exit for you, my darling!”
Every time she found an open window, BAM! “Nope, try again.”
She was getting so desperate that she found a small hole in the living room and made a mad effort to try to crawl through it.
Fun fact, did you know that a raccoon can squeeze into a hole much smaller than the mass of its own body? However, a human is not a racoon, so the last girl got stuck with one half of her body outside the house and the bottom half still stuck in the living room. I will tell you dear reader, I have battled way better last girls… because watching this girl flail around like a dog stuck in a doggy door is just sad.
To end her embarrassment, I grab her legs and yank her out of the hole. As soon as I let go, she quickly turned around to face me.
“Hello.” I say with a toothy smile. With horror plastered all over her face, she screamed again. To have a bit of fun, I screamed back.
Last girl: Ahhhhh!
Me: AHHhhhhh!
Last Girl: AHHHHHHHHHH!
Me: AHHHHhhhhhHhhhhhhhHHHH!
Last girl: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Me: AH ah AH ah AH ah AHAHAHA!
I ended up making myself laugh over the noises I made, but then before I could scream at her again. I notice that there is a screwdriver rapidly approaching my face. It collided with my left eyeball making it pop.
“I got you son of a bitch!” She yelled.
Well, what ya know, this dog does have some bite after all. The hour is getting late and I’ve had my fun, plus I don’t want my bag of souls to rot. So, I start my grand finale of my work night. I fly around and moan, “She got me, she got me!” The last girl smiles in triumph, then while she is gloating over her small but illusionary victory over the big bad spirit. I fly by the front door and with a wink with my good eye, cause the door to fly open.
The last girl didn’t even need to see the door open to start running. As she ran, I stopped flying and messed with her mind, the hallway that led to the door twisted and turned and seemed to stretch away from her. She fought with every ounce of her being to get to the doorway so she could escape.
But in truth, she was just running in place, I used my demon powers of mind illusions so that I just could get a second to get the screwdriver out of my eye and catch my breath.
There was no way in hell that a Home Depot screw driver would stop me, but I had planted it there. I like to give my final victims the sense of finally gaining control.
After having a nice rest, I finally let go of my mind control over the last girl, (who at this point was only a few feet from reaching the door) and she flies, almost tripping out the door. With that my job is done, she will run away and tell of her horrid experience to others and bring more to fall into my web. It’s a simple job, but it's so goddamn fun! I’ve been doing this for years, ever since I was murdered back in ’45-
Clank!
Or was it 54?
Clunk, verrererreer….
Anyway, if you ever die and want something to do instead of being bored in heaven for the rest of eternity-
Vererererere…..vervevrervervevrerevr….
What the hell? I look over and see that the last girl still hasn’t left yet. She is in the car trying to start it and it will not, what a classic trope but unconducive to my plans.
I walk out and inspect the car, making the last girl lose her mind even more, too bad this is the only time I can make a girl lose her mind.[13] Truth be told I don’t understand why this happens, if I had a dollar for every time a perfectly working car that won’t start before my victim’s escapes, I had enough for a nice meal at a upscale restaurant.[14]
I kick the side of the car and it roars to life, the last girl speeds though the yard and crashes not though the gate, but though the fence just a few feet to the right of it. She is not a Jamie Lee Curtis kind of last girl I suppose, but she drives off into the night.
With my night shift completed, I float back inside and collect the souls of the fallen teens [15]. I stuff their glowing orbs into a large sack of other souls I have collected over the past few weeks and I proudly make my way to the backyard.
But then, I heard a noise and I noticed that in the living room. There was a dresser that was shaking, then I had to do some mental math. I killed the jock and his girlfriend; I took the head of the stoner and the last girl escaped. But I feel like I am forgetting someone, then from the closet, the young black man emerged, shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. I put my bag down and planned out my attack, I used the best tricks on the others… So, what will I do?
But before I can do anything, a rat scutters by, taking the young man by surprise and he screams then faints. I look back in the living room in surprise, huh… eh a free soul is a free soul. I take his soul and add it to the bag and I make my way to the back yard.
I spy the old well with brown vines covering, giving it a real spooky vibe, perfect place to hide an elevator, plus its where I was murdered. With every haunting location, there is for a lack of a better term, a “elevator to hell” where employed demons like myself can go to and from hell and our hunting grounds. It just so happens to be the same spot where my dear old dad put an ax through my head and kicked my ass down there. It's not all bad, I got my revenge by hanging him in the attic and taking his soul. In the end, I traded his soul for a klondike bar.
So, I jumped into the well and landed at the bottom. I see my old skeleton, and I shove it aside to paint a small pentagram with some hell runes. Before I knew it, I started to sink into the bottom of the well. After sometime seeing nothing but dirt, my lingering thoughts, the worst elevator music known to demon kind, a few dinosaur bones, and a strange looking gem. I emerged in Hell, the smell of brimstone and burning flesh greeted me warmly while rivers of lava glowed a bright evil orange. Off in the distance, a volcano erupted and the screams of the damned filled the air.
I then walked down the same path I have taken to drop off the souls, I just have walked this same road so many times I am surprised there isn’t a rut. After a nice walk though, torture allay and the forgetful forest, I reach my destination, the Ice Box.
I kick open the door and the whole room full of Devils looks at me.
“Greetings my fellow sinners and losers!” I said, strolling in with my heavy bag of fresh souls. They all collectively moaned at the sight of me.
“Oh no, not this bloke!” said one demon.
“Motherfucker, look at the size of that bag!” said another.
“I bet it’s just filled with rocks or he jacks them souls from someone like last time.” Said a third devil with a third eye.
“Whoa, buddy boy, these souls are fresh as fresh can be!” I retorted. “Read them and weep boys!” I walked up to the devils and I opened my bag, their jaws dropped to the floor!
“How many are there?”
“Damn son!”
“Come on brother, can you spare a soul or two?”
“Sorry old chaps, all these souls are for me!” I say and march on deeper into the Ice Box.
The H.S.E Center or the Ice Box as the locals like to call it looked like a morgue and a waiting room hotel lobby had an ugly baby, like the room designer did not know which room they wanted to use more, gave up halfway and just slapped the two together and called it a day. The Ice Box was always full of my fellow devil brothers, sisters, and non-binary siblings like it was a DMV, on most days this would be the best place to hang out, get tips on how to better acquire souls and just party! But tonight, instead of devilish fun in the DMV, it was more like an actual DMV, silent and just dreadful. I had a strange feeling something was off, but I pushed it out of my mind, I had a large bounty to cash in!
“Man, oh man, tonight was a bloody good harvest! I have the golden group this time round, you all should have seen them…” I say, I walked up to a large devil and I slapped her on the shoulder. The big, multi-horned devil slowly turned to me with a long frown, it appeared that I knocked the sandwich she was eating out of her hands.
“My sandwich…” She growled at me.
I slowly backed away with a sheepish smile and I pressed on, looking around the room. All I could see was long frowns, drooping tails, and hushed words filled the air. Normally, on a night like tonight, this place would be jamming with all kinds of devilish fun. But the gloom in the room was suffocating, but I had a bag o’ souls to redeem so fuck ‘em!
I walked up to the front counter and I saw my favorite devil of all time, her name was Elara. She was a tall demon with razor sharp horns protruding from her eyes and over her head, and she had looks that could kill you, literally!
“Hello Elara darning, how is the best horned eyed devil in all of hell?” I said with my signature simile of sharp teeth.
Elara was working behind her desk, she looked like she was pulling overtime. There were papers all over her desk, her computer screen was flashing a million miles per hour, and she looked like she was cranking out on her 10th cup of coffee. Although, it was hard to tell with her stern face and the two horns that protruded from her eyes if she was cracked out.
“Please ¥ ̷͇̹̮͉̘̬̹̀͋͆̀̍̀͌̒ͅ ̷͇̹̮͉̘̬̹̀͋͆̀̍̀͌̒ͅð ̷͇̹̮͉̘̬̹̀͋͆̀̍̀͌̒ͅ ̴̹̻̦͔̪̻͖̑͆̑̈͗̚̚͝ͅμ ¢ ̸̢̗̰̮̙͙͍́́͐̄́͑͗̆͜å ñ ̴̹̻̦͔̪̻͖̑͆̑̈͗̚̚͝ͅ ' † ̵̵̳̟̳̺̭̘̣̣̳̟̳̺̭̘̣̣̄̋̃̿͑̌̑̄̋̃̿͑̌̑̚̚r ê å ̸̡̺̰̮̯̗̪̼̅̑̀̉̓̓͌́Ð ̸̢̗̰̮̙͙͍́́͐̄́͑͗̆͜ † ̵̳̟̳̺̭̘̣̣̄̋̃̿͑̌̑̚ ̸̢̗̰̮̙͙͍́́͐̄́͑͗̆͜h ̵̳̟̳̺̭̘̣̣̄̋̃̿͑̌̑̚ ï ̵̳̟̳̺̭̘̣̣̄̋̃̿͑̌̑̚ § ̸̡̺̰̮̯̗̪̼̅̑̀̉̓̓͌́, I am not in the mood for you right now.” She said, her eyes (or horns?) were darting from one packet of paper to another.
“Whoa, Elara, I have barely said anything you are already done with me? That hurts my soul.” I said with a smile. “Also, it's Mr. Sin-Mizer.” I say, and I flash my best smolder face to her.
She shot me a look of, say one more thing and I will rip out your skull and break it with a hammer, then the phone rang and she answered, still giving me the cold stone death stare with her horns.
“Yes hello, this is the H.S.E Center, I am sorry I can’t help with that, Good bye.” She said, slamming the phone down. Only for it to ring again.
“Look, if you are here to bother me, then buzz off! I am extremely busy at the moment!” Her fire-touched hair looked more singed than normal.
“Elara baby, I’m just here to deposit my souls, like how I do every Friday night.” I said holding up my bag of souls.
Elara just stared at me, as if I was the stupidest demon in hell[16] for bringing me back o’ souls like how I usually did at the end of my two-week shifts.
“Stop staring at me with those big o’ horns and take my bag already.” I said. I stuck the bag in her face, to her annoyance.
Elara grabbed my bag and dumped all the souls I collected all into a nearby machine that looked like a comically demonic blender.
“I have 38 souls, which I believe will give me around, oh I don’t know… say 5000 soul bucks-” I say but before I could finish speaking. Bella drops only a few hell coins onto the desk. I stare at the coins with my jaw open.
“5. Hell. Coins.?” I cry out. “What are you trying to pull on me Elara? I know my soul worth and I know for a damn fact I have way more than 5 coins!”
“I hate to tell you, but the price of souls dropped harder than the Hindenburg.” Elara said.
I was stunned, flabbergasted the price of souls… crashed?
“How did that happen? In fact, it seems like the Ice Box has a case of gloomy weather. What the hell, (Hehe no pun intended) is going on?”
“You haven’t heard the news?” Bella said
“No, what news sugar horns.”
“Hell is in the process of being shut down.”
“Say what?”
“The price of Christian souls crashed.”
“HUH!? What? That’s impossible,”
‘You heard me. Sin-Mizer”
Elara then reached down and produced a book. The cover of the book had a devil parachuting down with a multicolor parachute. The Cover read, What’s the color of your curse?
“What in the nine realms of hell is this piece of shit?” I spoke.
“A book about how to find a new job, because starting tomorrow. You do not have a job anymore. You’re out of the job”
I was shocked, my jaw dropped to the floor, all I could do was say, “WHAT THE FU-”
_______________________________________________________________________________
[1] Not that folk like me pay taxes anyway, Hehe
[2] Many folks have wondered why ghosts and demons only come out at night; well, it is because we are harder to see!
[3] Anyone who gets a DMV job is lucky because they get souls like candy from a baby! I on the other hand prefer the challenge of trapping and killing my prey.
[4] This is a rule I do not truly follow to a T. I like to leave one alive, why? Because every horror movie needs a sequel where the last one alive comes back, they always come back! It is a good investment too, if you're lucky they bring more souls begging to be taken!
[5] Hell Soul Extraction.
[6] Good for me, I can really fuck with him and make his soul extra ripe for the picking.
[7] Now you may think, well that was kind of you for a demon, but watch and see!
[8] Wow, look at that, an actual smart move. Promoted to smart guy of the group.
[9] And I take it back, I demoted him back to D.D.F (Dumb, Dead, Fool)
[10] Although I have heard that eating a banana when it's green offers more good nutrients, it tastes like shit though.
[11] That must be some loud wind that only makes the “wooden crashing noises” kind.
[12] Man, this is going better than I thought it would.
[13] If you catch my drift hehe.
[14] Like it happens every fucking time, the first few times its funny as hell but after like the 100th time. I should investigate why that happens.
[15] They may be gone, and they will most likely be forgotten.
[16] That’s how she thought about everyone but she especially thought that with me… crazy horned eye bitch.